good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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