dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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