Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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