drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
