Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
40s are totally the cure
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
