3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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