You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
