I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Randomize
