She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I pour the whiskey from now on
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
