I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
