oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
