I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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