yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
