I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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