I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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