you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
