I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
