she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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