I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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