Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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