Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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