i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
