He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
