He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
