the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize