Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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