i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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