she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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