I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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