i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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