i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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