Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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