We're like a lot better than the average bears
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
