mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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