I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
