RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
