were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
