I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
