I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
