I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
