So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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