its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
