Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
