I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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