Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
