I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
