I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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