new low.... made out with someone while peeing
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
