i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
