Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
