It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
