i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
