Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
