If that was your dad, he is hot
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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