So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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