Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
