even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
